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Ploys R' Us/Transcript

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(Opening shot: the city skyline, with the sun rising behind it.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville!

(As he continues, pull back to show the view framed through a window in the girls’ bedroom, and follow a ray of sunlight as it advances across the floor.)

Narrator: A fortunate locale that has had bestowed upon it the greatest gift of all—the Powerpuff Girls!

(On the end of this, the sunbeam hits the bed; it then moves up toward the girls’ faces, and they screw up their eyes and grumble sleepily.)

Buttercup: (rubbing her eyes) Go away, sun.

(Blossom yawns, Bubbles rubs her eyes, and all three start to wake up.)

Bubbles: Just five more minutes?

(They close their eyes, and the peaceful scene is restored—but only for a moment. Suddenly they sit straight up in bed, their eyes looking as if they might pop out of the sockets at any instant. Pull back quickly to bring a large collection of toys into view and turn around to pan slowly across it. The first section of the pile runs heavy on games, puzzles, building toys, and educational items—just the sort of stuff that would be right up Blossom’s alley. Extreme close-up of her face, panning slowly across, her eyes staring in disbelief and her jaw hanging slack. Next we see a wide range of action toys: monsters, model rockets, yo-yos, foam-dart launchers, sporting goods—this is Buttercup’s territory, and the camera cuts to her, framing her face in the same manner as Blossom’s. Finally, an array of stuffed animals of all make and model is seen, everything from rabbits to oversized gorillas. A pogo stick and a huge box of crayons are included in this pile, which is ideal for Bubbles. She is framed as were her sisters and drools slightly out of the corner of her mouth.)

[Note: The following “blasts from the past” are visible among the toys: a doll in the likeness of the young woman who stopped by at the end of “Mommy Fearest”; a beast resembling the one that snorted up Buttercup at the end of “Down n’ Dirty”; one of the aliens that threatened Townsville at the start of “Daylight Savings”; a MERF gun similar to that used by Blossom in “PPGBRDAE,” but with a targeting scope added; the little robot that fried Bubbles during her training in “Bubblevicious”; and dolls of Puppet Pals Clem and Mitch, who appeared in “Mommy Fearest” and “Hot Air Buffoon.”]

(Pull back to show the girls still frozen at the sight of this mammoth windfall. There is no sound for a long moment; then they zip out of bed and across the room. They are understandably excited and ecstatic—not to mention fully dressed.)

Bubbles: (hugging a stuffed pig) Piggy!

Buttercup: Cool! (putting on a catcher’s mitt) A glove!

Blossom: (grabbing an electronic game) A Learn & Listen!

[Note: This is a take-off on the Speak & Spell toy that was manufactured in the early 1980s.]

Buttercup: (holding up hands, covered with green slime) Goopy Goop!

Bubbles: (holding up crayons) Crayons!

Blossom: (grabbing chemistry set) I love chemistry!

Bubbles: (holding up princess doll) A Princess Patty!

Blossom: (holding up doctor doll) A Dr. Dee Dee!

[Continuity error: This toy is marked as “Dr. Suzy” in the initial pan.]

(Now Buttercup holds up a doll of her own—a bulked-up, brush-cut woman in Army fatigues.)

Buttercup: A Beefy Betty!

(Bubbles bounces across the room on the pogo stick.)

Bubbles: Pogo stiIIIIIICK!

(On the end of this, she bounces too hard and sails up o.c.; a crash shakes the camera. Blossom jumps rope across the screen.)

Blossom: Jump rope! (Buttercup goes across, working a hula hoop.)

Buttercup: Uncle Midriff!

(They go back and forth, trying out the appropriate means of locomotion.)

Blossom: Tricycling!

Buttercup: Skateboarding!

Bubbles: RollerbladiIIING! (She crashes out o.c.)

(Buttercup stands by a chair, which has a whoopee cushion on it. Bubbles is in front of the chair.)

Buttercup: Jokes! (Bubbles sits down; the cushion does its thing, and both look surprised.)

Blossom: (playing with jacks) Jacks!

(Bubbles regards a strange-looking doll for some moments with disdain.)

Bubbles: (tossing it over her shoulder) Junk!

(Buttercup now has on a black cape, with an upended top hat in front of her. She waves a magic wand at it and reaches inside.)

Buttercup: (pulling out a rabbit) Magic!

Blossom: (bouncing on trampoline) Jumping!

Bubbles: (popping out of stuffed-animal pile) Dolls!

Buttercup: (kicking a football) Ball!

[Note: Bubbles comes up with a Dexter doll on her line.]

(Buttercup’s place kick is right on target, crashing through one of the bedroom windows. The accident jolts the girls out of their playing.)

Blossom: Whoa! Buttercup! Look what you did to the window.

Buttercup: Forget the window. What about my ball?

Bubbles: Don’t worry. There’s many more where that came from. (pointing o.c.) See?

(Pan quickly away from the girls to a pile containing dozens of footballs. Back to them.)

Buttercup: I wonder why we got all these presents.

Bubbles: Yeah. It’s not our birthdays.

Blossom: Maybe it’s just ’cause we’re such good girls, he thought we deserved ’em. Let’s go thank him.

(They fly out of the room and down the hall.)

Girls: (as they fly o.c. around a corner) Professor! (Follow them down the hall.) Professor! (They stop.) Profe—

(They cut themselves off, surprised. Pull back quickly; they are in the doorway to the Professor’s room. He is slumped over his bed and snoring loudly enough to saw logs. The girls continue in a hushed tone.)

Blossom: Shhh. He’s sleeping. Thank you, Professor. (She flies out of view.)

Buttercup: Yeah, thanks. (She flies out of view; Bubbles flies up to him.)

Bubbles: Thank you, Professor.

(She kisses his cheek and flies away. He smiles and begins to mumble in his sleep.)

Professor: …pro—protons…quantum…physics…

(Fade to black.)

(Snap to the girls, back in the bedroom and having a grand time playing with their toys. The hotline starts to buzz o.c.; pull back to bring it into view as they moan sadly. Blossom picks up, and we hear excited talking on the other end.)

Blossom: (without enthusiasm) Oh, hi, Mayor. What a surprise…A robbery?…Okay, we’ll be right there.

(Cut to the exterior of the house as they exit through the bedroom windows, then to them in flight, still not looking too fired up about having to go to work.)

Buttercup: What a bummer!

Bubbles: You said it.

Blossom: I know, but if we hurry, we can get back and play.

Buttercup: What place got hit, anyway?

Blossom: The Mayor couldn’t remember the name of the store. But it’s at the corner of Fifth and Sixth.

(Cut to that particular street corner as the girls approach and land. They gasp sharply just after they touch down. In front of them is a toy store—from all appearances, the same one Lenny Baxter frequented in “Collect Her”—with a hole in its front window where the O in “TOYS” should be. Inside, a policeman is talking to the old shopkeeper while another writes on a clipboard. This latter is playing hangman and tic-tac-toe and looking rather bored.)

Policeman: Don’t worry, Mr. Giuseppe. The Powerpuff Girls’ll catch that toy-stealin’ sicko. (to the camera) Won’t they, Mayor?…Mayor!

(Cut to the Mayor, who has a baby doll in his arms and is feeding it from a bottle.)

Mayor: Mama loves you.

(The door opens, the bell above it jingling, and the girls float down the aisle. They survey the scene with visible worry; several items that were in the pile at home are missing from the shelves.)

Policeman: (from o.c.) Ah, girls, great, you’re here. Mr. Giuseppe was just about to tell us what was stolen.

(They land at a distance from the cop and the old man, Giuseppe. This latter speaks with an Italian accent.)

Giuseppe: Oh, well, let’s see. (Close-up of a very stunned Blossom; he continues o.c.) A Learn & Listen, a Dr. Dee Dee, some jacks.

(Blossom has a quick mental image of these three items. Close-up of Buttercup, also stunned.)

Giuseppe: (from o.c.) A glove, a skateboard, and how do you say—Joopy Joop.

(Buttercup recalls these three. The last is Goopy Goop, the green slime she was playing with. Close-up of Bubbles, her mind also reeling.)

Giuseppe: (from o.c.) A pogo stick and many, many dolls.

(Bubbles conjures these up in her head. Back to the group.)

Policeman: Is that all?

Bubbles: That’s not even half of it!

(Giuseppe and both cops look at her with considerable surprise. Close-up of the girls; Bubbles gets indignant looks from her sisters for having almost spilled the beans. She covers her mouth, and Blossom addresses herself to the men.)

Blossom: Oh, uh…Powerpuff telepathy? (She laughs nervously.)

(The girls move their hands behind their dresses and smile like they are innocent little children.)

Policeman: (from o.c.) Well, that’s good enough to start. Don’t worry, Mr. Giuseppe. The girls’ll find your culprit— (They trade worried looks.) —whoever it is!

(Fade to black.)

(Snap to the exterior of the house at night. Inside, the girls are on the bed, in their nightgowns.)

Blossom: Imagine! The Professor—a thief!

Buttercup: A criminal living in our house this whole time!

Bubbles: Stop it! Just stop it! (Close-up of her, the open door visible behind her.) This is our Professor you’re talking about! Haven’t you heard of “innocent until proven guilty”?

(On the end of this line, the Professor’s shadow advances into view on the far wall. Cut to just behind Bubbles; the others lean into view around her.)

Blossom, Buttercup: Look!

(Head-on view of Bubbles again. The Professor moves slowly across the doorway, wearing his pajamas and looking very much as if hypnotized. Bubbles watches him go; after he moves out of view, she whips her head back around to face the others. Now her mood has completely changed.)

Bubbles: That good-for-nothing crook! Follow him!

(Out in the hall, the Professor’s shadow moves slowly across the screen, with those of the girls trailing. The shadows cross the living room and approach the front door, which swings open in a head-on view. The girls fly up, wearing looks of righteous fury, and prepare to stop him.)

Blossom: Hold it right there, Professor! (Their faces register surprise.)

Girls: Professor?

(Close-up of him—hair untidy, eyes wide open, face totally emotionless. He remains silent. Side view of the four on the doorstep, with Blossom waving her hand in front of him to get his attention.)

Buttercup: What’s wrong with him?

Bubbles: Is he dead? (Head-on view of the girls.)

Buttercup: No, dummy. (Blossom stops waving.) The dead don’t walk.

Bubbles: Not unless…HE’S A ZOMBIE!

Blossom: No, Bubbles. I think he’s a somnambulist.

Bubbles: HE’S A SOMNAMBULIST!…Hey, what’s a somnambulist?

Blossom: A sleepwalker. (Buttercup is now smiling.)

Buttercup: And they have no control over their actions while they’re asleep, right?

Blossom: Right. (Bubbles smiles as well.) And when they wake up, they have no idea what they did while they were sleepwalking.

Buttercup: So he’s not really a crook.

Bubbles: Then there’s only one thing to do!

(All three girls lean in and start spouting requests for their favorite toys. They keep calling off their wish lists after him as he begins to walk down the street toward Townsville. Snap to black.)

(Snap to the exterior of the house; it is now the next morning. Inside, the girls are sitting up in bed and looking happily at the camera. Pull back to show a larger pile of toys in front of them. The girls bounce on oversized “horsey balls”—big rubber balls with handlebars to hold on to as you sit on them—after which the hotline goes off. The window of the toy store has been broken again, in exactly the same place as before. Inside, Giuseppe describes the theft to the girls; behind them, the shelves again show various items missing. They smile, Blossom says something, and they take off through the ceiling. They laugh to themselves as they fly away.)

(Cut to the exterior of the house at night, where the girls are hovering near the Professor at the front door. They give him his marching orders as he heads off down the street. Fade to black.)

(Snap to the girls in bed, again looking at the camera with delight. When it pulls back, we see that the pile of toys has grown again; now it nearly fills the screen. Blossom and Bubbles frolic in the spray from a sprinkler with a clown’s head, while Buttercup floats back and forth above them. A rather damp hotline goes off; inside the toy store, Giuseppe points out more items that have been stolen. The girls turn away from him and shrug in feigned puzzlement; he does not see the smiles on their faces.)

(Cut to the exterior of the house at night. The previous evening’s events play themselves out again. Fade to black.)

(Snap to the girls in bed the next morning, smiling at the camera again. Now parts of a few toys hang down into view even from here. Pull back to show the pile even bigger than it was the day before; about all we can see of the room is the bed. The girls drive back and forth in small-scale race cars, but are interrupted by the hotline. Cut to the toy store’s shelves—this particular patch is empty—and turn down toward the floor. Giuseppe is now crying and covering his face; the girls, gathered around him, look away to hide their joy.)

(Cut to the crescent moon in the night sky and turn down to the front door of the house. The routine goes as before, with the Professor advancing toward the camera this time.)

(When his face nearly fills the screen, dissolve quickly to the girls in bed the next morning and pull back to show them looking happily at an even denser pile of toys. They dive and swim in a sea of rubber balls now. The hotline is practically buried in them, but its nose shows through and starts to flash. Inside the toy store, Giuseppe lays out the details of this new theft to him; they shake their heads in mock bewilderment. Once again, the shelves behind them are empty.)

(Cut to the front door of the house at night. Business as usual.)

(Cut to a close-up of a record player, with a disc spinning on the turntable. The girls dance with stuffed and inflatable toys of various sizes, but are interrupted by the hotline. Cut to them in bed, staring at another extensive collection of playthings. The hotline. More toys. Extreme close-up of the flashing red nose. Fade to black.)

[Note: There is no dialogue in the preceding nine paragraphs—a sort of silent movie.]

(Snap to Blossom in the bedroom, hotline receiver in hand. The bounty is scattered behind her.)

Blossom: (mock bewilderment) No, Mayor, we haven’t found the crook yet. (She hangs up.)

(Pull back to show all three girls. They giggle at their good fortune: Blossom by the hotline, Buttercup on an inflatable pool float, Bubbles hanging upside down from the ceiling and wearing a pair of anti-gravity boots. A knock on the door surprises them.)

Professor: (from hall, through door) Uh, girls…

(Cut to the door, with toys piled high in front of it.)

Professor: (through door, working knob) …what’s going on in there? Open the door.

(Blossom waves frantically at her sisters, who zip across the room.)

Blossom: Uh…just a minute, Professor. (Cut to Buttercup, throwing toys out the window; she continues o.c.) We’re…making you something.

(Close-up of Bubbles as she throws a doll under the bed.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) It’s…um…uh… (Pull back quickly; the bed sits on a pile and almost reaches the ceiling.) …a surprise.

(Cut to Buttercup, who punches a hole in the drywall.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Yeah. Uh…

(Buttercup flies o.c. and is replaced by Blossom, who dumps an armload of toys into the hole before flying o.c. Buttercup pushes the vanity into view to cover the damage. Now Blossom looks o.c. at something; the floor is clear.)

Blossom: Uh…hold on!

(What she is looking at is Bubbles, who is trying to cram at least two closets’ worth of toys into one. She struggles and finally gets the door closed, though it bulges significantly. Back to Blossom.)

Blossom: Um…okay, you can come in now. (The Professor steps into the room, smiling.)

Professor: Oh, I just love surprises. I wonder what it could possibly…uh…be.

(Leaning against the overstressed closet door, Bubbles grins nervously. It trembles and shivers for a moment before bursting open; the contents form a tidal wave that sweeps across the room and carries her to the Professor’s feet. Her sisters are already there. She giggles up at him; turn up to show his face, which shows a healthy degree of irritation.)

Professor: And just where did you get all these toys? (They smile placatingly up at him.)

Blossom: Um…from the city?

Buttercup: Uh, yeah. They’re from the city.

Bubbles: For…saving the day?

(He regards them with suspicion for a silent moment, then suddenly brightens.)

Professor: (giving A-OK sign) Okay, girls, have fun. Boy, was that ever a wonderful surprise! (stepping out, the girls watching him go) See you! (The door slams behind him.)

(Blossom lets out a relieved little sigh.)

Blossom: That was close.

Buttercup: Almost too close.

Bubbles: Maybe we better quit.

Blossom: Yeah. (Long, reflective pause.)

Girls: (smiling) Naaah!

(Cut to just outside the front door, pulling back slowly as the Professor sleepwalks toward the camera. The girls hover behind him. All four are in their sleepwear—it is nighttime again.)

Blossom: Okay, and don’t forget. It’s the green one. Not the blue one.

Buttercup: Yeah. The number-five series crime-fighter.

(Around the Professor, the scene changes to just inside the front door of the toy store. The bell jingles. Pull back to show him standing at the end of one of the aisles. A basketball and magic set are picked up, and he carries a box of toys on his back, with a rabbit doll clamped by one ear between his teeth. A heart-shaped box—perhaps a makeup kit—and a Monkey doll are taken next, after which the Professor carries a giant teddy bear across the store.)

[Note: Monkey is the superhero alter ego of Dexter’s lab monkey on Dexter’s Laboratory.]

(Dexter and Dee Dee dolls are next to go; a doll in the Mayor’s likeness is left behind. A load is dumped into a basket, and he pushes a pinball machine with Fred Flintstone and Dino on its backglass. Now he picks up a chipmunk doll and drops it. When it hits the floor, it begins to speak and tremble.)

Doll: Hi. I’m Larry, the shivering chipmunk. Brrr! I’m cold. I need a sweater.

(It repeats this line over and over as the camera turns up to the Professor’s face, still showing as much awareness as a two-by-four. He suddenly snaps back to consciousness and looks around himself in great puzzlement. His eyes pop, and the camera pulls back to show the full basket of toys down the aisle from him and a load in his hand. He hangs his head sadly. Fade to black.)

(Snap to the exterior of the house as the sun rises the next morning. Inside, the light steals over the sleeping girls; they sit up in bed and smile expectantly, but the smiles give way to dirty looks. Pull back quickly to show the room completely bare of toys. Blossom groans in disgust.)

Blossom: Don’t worry, girls. We’ll make sure he gets it right this time.

(Cut to the city at night. The Professor’s shadow advances into the pool of light thrown by a lamppost and is then cast on the wall of a building. The girls follow, keeping their distance. Next the four shadows move along a sidewalk, after which the camera cuts to inside the toy store. The Professor’s silhouette is visible through the front door; this opens, the bell jingling, and he remains as a silhouette in the doorway. The girls, also silhouetted, poke their heads around the frame. Cut to their perspective of the store, the shadows stretching in front of them.)

Buttercup: Why is he stopping?

(The Mayor jumps out of a pile of stuffed animals and shouts into a bullhorn.)

Mayor: Hold it right there!

(Townsville Police SWAT team members leap from behind the displays, break through the windows, and rappel down from the ceiling. All are heavily armed and level their weapons. A tank with a battering ram on its turret—and a smiley face on the ram’s faceplate, as in “Powerpuff Bluff”—charges in, and the officers switch on floodlights. The Professor and the girls are bathed in a blinding glare, and a helicopter descends into view, shining its lights through the front windows.)

Mayor: (from o.c.) Give up, Professor! (Overhead view of the family, completely closed in.) We’ve got you surrounded! (Back to ground level.)

Professor: Never!

Girls: Professor!

(As they say this, he rolls into a tight ball and launches himself down the aisle, the camera following. The Mayor, caught by surprise, is swept off his feet, and one of his arms is seized. Quick flash of the SWAT officers as they steady their aim, then cut to the Professor’s feet and turn slowly up to his face. He has the Mayor under one arm, a pistol in his other hand, and a look of animal desperation. He bears no resemblance to the calm, rational man of science we have cone to know.)

Professor: Nobody move, or the Mayor gets it! (Close-up of Bubbles.)

Bubbles: Professor! (Pan to Blossom.)

Blossom: Wait! (Pan to Buttercup.)

Buttercup: What are you doing? (Back to the Professor.)

SWAT officer: (from o.c., through bullhorn) Professor…just relax…and put the Mayor down.

Professor: (panting) Never!

(The Mayor socks him and leaps free of his grip, tumbling to the floor. He still has his bullhorn.)

Mayor: NOW!

Girls: NOOOO!

(The action shifts to slow motion. Extreme close-up of a gun’s trigger as a black-gloved hand—that of a SWAT officer—pulls it. Head-on view of the shooter, in the prone position on the floor; a flash of white light issues from the muzzle and fills the screen. Snap from this to another officer on the floor, who fires his own weapon. Another flash fills the screen. Snap to an extreme close-up of an officer’s eyes behind their sunglasses and fade to white again as another shot cracks out. A pistol muzzle is seen next; another flash, and an officer points his gun at the camera and fires. Flash. Pan slowly along the ranks of law enforcement personnel as they begin to unload every round in their magazines; the muzzle flashes turn night into day for a brief moment. Cut to a frozen, agonized Professor, then to the gun falling from his hand. His chest is seen next, and the camera pulls back to show him with his arms bunched around it in pained agony. He collapses toward the floor; one final muzzle flash marks the end of the standoff.)

(Cut to the girls, their hands to their mouths and their eyes showing their incredulity. The sound of the Professor hitting the tile causes them to recoil in horror, and the camera cuts to an overhead view of him and pulls back slowly. He is sprawled out motionless on his stomach, the pistol not far from his hand. It looks as if they killed him. The girls and the Mayor are nearby, with the SWAT team still encircling them.)

(Back to ground level. The Mayor addresses himself to his lawmen; he no longer has the bullhorn. The action returns to normal speed.)

Mayor: (solemnly) It’s over. Good job, boys.

(The girls drop to their knees, wailing, thinking their father is dead.)

Girls: It’s all our fault! It’s all our fault!

Mayor: And just what is that supposed to mean?

(Now Bubbles and Buttercup are lying down, trying to bury their faces in the tile, with Blossom kneeling behind them. All three are on the verge of tears and have their eyes closed.)

Blossom: We knew it was the Professor.

Bubbles: But all the toys!

Buttercup: And we couldn’t stop!

Bubbles: And all the toys!

Blossom: And now he’s…he’s…GONE!

(The next line causes their eyes to pop wide open. Blossom and Bubbles have tears in theirs, but none are visible in Buttercup’s—though this may be due to the placement of her arms.)

Professor: (from o.c.) Not exactly.

(Cut to his feet and pan to his head as he continues. He is now sitting up, alive, with suction-cup darts stuck all over his body.)

Professor: Now he’s covered with fake bullet suction thingies. (He pulls one off his face.)

Girls: Professor! (They zip across the store and hug him.) You’re alive!

Bubbles: But I don’t understand.

Professor: We knew the entire time, girls.

Blossom: The Mayor? (The officers are now in a group behind him.)

Mayor: When you’re in a profession like mine, you gotta know how to fake it.

Buttercup: (pointing at the o.c. officers) Those guys? (Cut to them; one waves back.)

Professor: (from o.c.) Real cops…toy guns.

(Back to the girls and the Professor. The Mayor has joined them.)

Professor: So, girls, did you learn your lesson? (The girls hang their heads.)

Buttercup: Sure did.

Blossom: Stealing is a crime—

Bubbles: —no matter what the circumstances.

Girls: We’re sorry.

Mayor: Oh, well, no harm done, uh—physical, that is. The toys are paid for, and you girls can keep them all.

Buttercup: Cool!

Bubbles: Yay!

Blossom: No, girls, it wouldn’t be right. We don’t deserve them. (Her sisters take this badly.)

Mayor: Then I guess I’ll have to take them.

Blossom: And give them to charity?

Mayor: Heck, no! For me! I’ve always wanted a Beefy Betty. (Everyone laughs.)

Narrator: Whoo! T.M.I., Mr. Mayor—too much information!

(The standard end shot comes up.)

Narrator: So once again the day is saved—from the Powerpuff Girls, by the Powerpuff Girls!

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