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Powerpuff Bluff/Transcript

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(Opening shot: the city skyline in the afternoon.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville. A safe haven for all.

(Turn down quickly to the Townsville Bank as a crash of glass is heard. An alarm screams out.)

Narrator: Except when the bank is being robbed!

(Inside, three men in orange jumpsuits hold the customers at gunpoint. They wear stockings over their faces. One has red hair and a ragged beard, and the others—one white, one black—are very muscular.)

Red-haired robber: This is a holdup, everybody! (Pull back.) Freeze!

(A woman screams, prompting the people in the bank to do the exact opposite of what they have been told. The red-haired robber fires several shots into the air; now the camera is close enough to show numbers on the clothing of two of the three. Red-hair wears 253; the black man has 002. These are prison inmates on the run.)

Red-haired robber (253): I said, freeze! (The crowd does so; the robbers cross the lobby.) That’s more like it. Now let’s see.

(Cut to his perspective of the teller counter. First is a man with a bow tie.)

253: No… (Pan to an old woman.) Nuh-uh… (Pan to a young, chesty blond woman with cash in both hands.) Well, hello. Hand it over, Sweet Cheeks!

(The teller turns around—it is actually a cardboard cutout, with Blossom on the other side.)

Blossom: Who you calling Sweet Cheeks?

(She breaks the straps she has been using to hold the cutout erect. The vault door is kicked open; Bubbles and Buttercup are inside. Back to Blossom, ready to deliver a crushing blow, on the next line.)

253: (from o.c.) The Powerpuff Girls! (Back to him.) Uh-oh.

(Blossom lets fly, and the screen explodes into a flash of light. When it clears, Bubbles is slamming 002 back and forth on the ground. Buttercup lands a flying kick to the face of the beefy white robber, and the three are seen collapsed in a heap on the floor.)

Narrator: Ho-ho, girls. Nice job. (The door of a prison cell slams shut over the scene.)

(Cut to a high-rise with a wraparound sign that reads “Townsville Jewelry.” A large ring spins on the roof.)

Narrator: It’s the Townsville Jewelry Store.

(A crash of glass; turn down to street level, where the three criminals, still masked, have sacks slung over their shoulders. The alarm goes off.)

 

Narrator: And it’s being robbed! (They run o.c.; behind them, we see the smashed store window.)

(They dash down the street and stop in an alley, then look around to make sure they are alone and open the bags. The girls pop out one at a time, one from each bag and adorned with various bits of finery. Pull back to the robbers’ perspective as they haul off.)

 

Robbers: Uh-oh.

(They are knocked out with one blow, and again we see them piled on the ground. The cell door slams shut as the Narrator speaks.)

 

Narrator: Strike two, you thugs. (He chuckles briefly.) Hey! (Cut to an imposing mansion.) What’s going on at the Mayor’s house?

(A piercing scream is heard from within, and we see a close-up of the Mayor inside, with the criminals gathered around him. When he stops screaming, pull back quickly; he is tied to a chair. 253 has a gun pointed at him. The big white guy’s number is now seen: 017. They still wear their masks.)

 

Mayor: Take anything you want! Just don’t hurt Ms. Bellum! (Pan left slightly to bring her into view, also tied to a chair.)

253: Ms. Bellum, huh? (to her) What do you say I call you…Sweet Cheeks?

Mayor: Oh, call me anything you want, but just rob me and go away!

(Quick close-ups of several items as he names them.)

 

Mayor: (from o.c.) Take my money. Some fine art, maybe. My wife. (She holds a tray of cookies and wears a monocle like his.) Jewels, perhaps? The key to the city? My wife?

(017 holds up what appears to be a statue of a poodle for 253 to inspect.)

 

017: Hey, Boss. (Zoom in, putting him o.c.) What’s this?

Mayor: No! Not my priceless, very rare, one-of-a-kind porcelain poodle! Anything! Anything but my priceless, very rare, one-of-a-kind porcelain poodle!

253: I kinda like it. (Close-up of him, with it in his hands.) Yeah. I like this very much! (holding it aloft)  AND WITH THIS VALUABLE KEEPSAKE, I WILL OBTAIN POWER OVER THE MAYOR AND ALL OF TOWNSVILLE!

Mayor: (sadly) Oh, all is lost. (The girls burst in through the front door.)

Blossom: Put down that priceless porcelain poodle, you punk!

253: P-P-P-Powerpuffs?

Blossom: Precisely!

(Bubbles disposes of 017, Buttercup knocks out 002, and Blossom trains her eye lasers on the ropes holding the Mayor. He is cut loose in short order; now she joins the fight and knocks 253 across the room. The poodle sails through the air in slow motion, interspersed with shots of Bubbles and Buttercup gasping. It continues its flight.)

 

Blossom: Oh, no! (She dashes across the floor. Cut to the Mayor.)

Mayor: Well, hello, Blossom.

(She grabs him and carries him along while still running at top speed—and he does not pause for a moment in speaking.)

 

Mayor: It’s always a pleasure to have you girls over to the house. (She throws him; he still does not stop.) We must definitely do this more often. (He lands in his chair, behind a desk.) Oh, hello, Poodles. (The statue drops into his hands.)

Girls: Phew!

(Outside, the robbers are sitting in a paddy wagon, waiting to be hauled away. The girls and the Mayor stand near its open back doors; a crowd is gathered around, with cameras and microphones in abundance.)

 

Mayor: Well, girls, you’ve done it again. (The doors are closed, and the wagon rolls off.) You saved me and the entire city of Townsville. I’m so proud of you, girls. (Flashbulbs start to pop.) And to show you my personal sign of appreciation, I want to present you with—

(Close-up of the poodle as it is brought into view.)

 

Mayor: (from o.c.) —my priceless, very rare, one-of-a-kind porcelain poodle.

(Pull back. Bubbles takes it from his hands, but it slips from her grasp and shatters to pieces on the ground. The four look sadly down at it; the Mayor is the first to look up. Flashbulbs begin to pop anew as he speaks.)

 

Mayor: (happily) Ah, who gives a hoot about an old statue anyway? It’s nothing. (The girls smile at this, and the crowd cheers.) We love you, girls!

(Zoom in slightly on the scene, then pull back to show it on a TV screen.)

 

Reporter: (voice over) And that’s how it all went down today when the Powerpuff Girls rescued the Mayor and his assistant from certain death—

(Camera turns around to show the three robbers watching the broadcast. They are back in the clink. 017 has green-dyed hair cut in a Mohawk and long scars on his cheeks.)

 

Reporter: (on TV) —and put three extremely dangerous criminals behind bars.

253: This ain’t no fair, I tell you. It just ain’t no fair! Those Powerpuff Girls get away with everything!

017: Just imagine what it’d be like to be one of those Powerpuff Girls. (thinking) Hmmm…wear those cute ponytails and glittery hair bands…

(As he has this thought, Bubbles’ head appears in a thought balloon. Her hair is tied in a single fluffy ponytail. The balloon pops when he finishes.)

 

002: Yeah. Induce pain and suffering to all the people of Townsville.

017: (thinking) Sparkly party shoes… (He conjures up a pair. Pop.)

002: Take all the money and goods we want, right under their noses!

017: (thinking) Feminine bows with brightly colored sashes. (He thinks of these. Pop.)

253: That’s it! We are gonna become the Powerpuff Girls! We are gonna induce pain and suffering! (Close-up of him.) But most importantly…we are gonna be RICH!

(On the end of this, the background behind him changes to dollar bills. He becomes lost in thought for a moment.)

 

017: (from o.c.) Uh…Boss?…Boss?…Boss? (Pull back to show all three; the background returns to normal.)

253: Yeah?

017: How are we gonna look like them Powerpuff Girls?

253: Hmm.

(Cut to his perspective, panning across the cell: bunk beds, sink, broken mirror, the usual accoutrements.)

 

253: Let’s see…we’re gonna have to use every resource in this joint…

(Stop on a wardrobe, with larger versions of the girls’ everyday dresses—one of each color—hanging inside. On top are full-head masks of their faces, with holes cut out for the mouths.)

 

253: Guys, this is gonna be tougher than I thought.

(Fade to black.)

(Fade in to a guard walking along the corridor, jingling his keys and whistling as he goes. He stops after a few steps and addresses the camera.)

 

Guard: Huh?…Hey! What are you three doing in there?

(Extreme close-ups of the following: chest hair pushing out from underneath a light blue collar; a hairy leg in a knee-high white stocking and black Mary Jane; 253’s mouth and beard through one of the masks, with the collar of the Blossom dress showing below it; the eye and hairline of that mask; 017’s masked mouth above the collar of the Bubbles dress; 002’s arm poking out of the Buttercup dress; 017’s meaty fist; 002’s masked mouth; his arm again. Pull back to show the three criminals, now wearing the oversized outfits—253 as Blossom, 017 as Bubbles, 002 as Buttercup. Suffice it to say that they will never win a costume contest looking like this.)

 

253: Uh…we, uh… (coughing, starting again in high voice) We, uh…we were checking out the cells, and we got accidentally locked in. (laughing nervously) Can you let us out?

Guard: (laughing) Sure I can. Be my pleasure.

(He stands by the open cell door, still laughing, as the prisoners walk out. 017 sucker-punches him on the way out, doubling him over.)

 

Guard: (winded) Thanks! You girls are great!

Narrator: Oh, no! Impostor Powerpuffs? What a drag!

(Cut to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten.)

 

Narrator: Girls, where are you? What are you doing?!

(Inside, the kids are asleep on the floor, with blankets pulled up over themselves. One of them looks very much like Dexter—yes, the same one with the mammoth home lab. They snore softly.)

 

Narrator: (whispering) Oh. It’s naptime at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten. And though our heroes slumber—

(Snap to black and pull back as he continues. The black resolves itself into the belt of 253’s dress; he is seen from behind, standing in front of the Townsville Bank.)

 

Narrator: (normal volume) —there is no rest for the wicked! (002 and 017 step into view.)

253: Let’s do it, girls.

(Inside, the doors are kicked open.)

 

002, 017: This is a holdup, everybod—

253: No, you idiots! Like this! (high voice, skipping across lobby) Oh, la, la-la, la-la… (stopping at counter) Hi, everybody. It’s me, Blossom of the Powderpuff [sic] Girls. A-And I was just wondering… (giggling nervously, flowers and hearts appearing behind him) …can we have all the money, please? (He giggles again.)

(The Mayor and Ms. Bellum are seen in the lobby as 253 skips up. Pan across the counter; the tellers laugh and nod assent. Cut to the Mayor at the vault door.)

 

Mayor: Oh, we love you, Powerpuff Girls. (He opens the vault; zoom in on the contents.) Take all the money you want!

(On the end of this, pull back to show the money in the hands of the robbers. They are at the front door. They start to leave.)

 

253: (high voice) Gee, thanks, everybody! (now outside) Bye-bye!

(Pan across the lobby to the customers and tellers. Everyone is waving goodbye—except for Ms. Bellum. Stop on her and the Mayor.)

 

Mayor: So long, girls! Oh, Ms. Bellum, don’t you just love those Powerpuff Girls?

Ms. Bellum: Hmmm…

(Back to the roof of the Townsville Jewelry Store. Inside, the “girls” are at the counter; the display case is empty. A salesman holds a bag out to them.)

 

Salesman: Here’s the jewels you wanted, girls.

253: (laughing, taking bag, high voice) Thanks!

(Outside, they move out, loot in hand.)

 

002: (laughing) Oh, this is too easy! (They stop short, gasping; the Mayor and Ms. Bellum are in front of them.)

Mayor: Oh, hello, girls. What are you up to?

253: (normal voice) No good.

Mayor: (laughing) Splendid! Why don’t you come to my house for some milk and cookies? (Cut to them, looking Ms. Bellum over.)

253: Sure—as long as Sweet Cheeks is going.

Mayor: (from o.c.) Of course I will. Now come on.

(Cut to the exterior of his house, with the five entering by the front door. Close-up of the door, which the Mayor holds open for the criminals.)

 

Mayor: Welcome, welcome, welcome! (Inside, 002 and 017 look at a painting.)

017: Look, it’s one of them fancy pictures. (Turn down slightly, showing the Mayor.)

Mayor: Why, yes, it is. It’s—it’s a classic. It’s—

002: Stupid. (The Mayor jolts, surprised.) I hate it! (He and 017 start o.c.)

017: Yeah, I hate boats.

Mayor: Yeah. (He laughs stupidly.)

(Cut to 253 and 002 standing near a vase on a pedestal.)

 

253: Hey, Bubba.

002: I’m Buttercup.

253: Yeah, whatever. Look at this vase!

002: I think it’s pronounced “vozz.”

253: Oh, yeah? I think it’s pronounced— (pushing it off pedestal) —“broken”! (We hear it shatter, and the two men laugh. Cut to the Mayor.)

Mayor: (pointing at remains) Oh, girls! (He laughs.)

(Cut to 017, who is doing a little redecorating with a can of spray paint. He finishes and walks o.c., leaving behind a crude picture of the Mayor with the label “MAYIR.” The subject of said caricature walks into view.)

 

Mayor: (laughing, pointing at it) That is so true!

(Cut to 002, leaning against a wall and looking up at Ms. Bellum.)

 

002: Say, Sweet Cheeks, what’s your sign?

Ms. Bellum: STOP. (Back to the Mayor, holding up a tray of snacks.)

Mayor: Oh, girls! Here’s your milk and cookies!

(017’s huge fist slams into his face, knocking him o.c. The criminals are seen from the waist up, laughing and taunting him, as we hear the sounds of feet thudding into the Mayor.)

 

253: Hey, dudes, let’s ditch this joint.

(Cut to the Mayor, curled up on the floor with Ms. Bellum standing by him. The “girls” are on their way out the door.)

 

017: See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya! (The door slams.)

Mayor: (moaning) What precious angels.

Ms. Bellum: Uh, sir, this might just be me, but don’t you think the girls were acting a little strange?

Mayor: (looking up at her) How so?

Ms. Bellum: Well—robbing the bank, the jewelry store, your house? Beating the living daylights out of you? Need I go on?

Mayor: Yes, I’m not following.

Ms. Bellum: The deep voices, the facial hair, the height! Not to mention the manly odor!

Mayor: And? And?

Ms. Bellum: Those were men dressed up as the Powerpuff Girls! Understand?

Mayor: (getting to his knees) Yes! There’s only one thing to do!

(Close-up of a telephone. Its receiver is picked up; pull back to show the Mayor making the call, with Ms. Bellum standing nearby.)

 

Mayor: Hello, Chief of Police? Arrest the Powerpuff Girls! (She sighs disgustedly.)

(Cut to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten.)

 

Narrator: Uh-oh. This isn’t looking too good!

(Inside, the girls stand behind a table. A large jar of change rests on it. Zoom in slowly as Blossom speaks.)

 

Blossom: And, by adding your pennies to this jar, we can feed the homeless, help abused animals find good homes, or adopt a child from a Third World country.

Voice: Freeze!

(Caught off guard, the girls look o.c. in surprise. SWAT team members burst in from all sides of the room; a tank with a battering ram—which shows a smiley face—fixed to its turret knocks down a section of the wall. One officer throws himself into the prone position and levels his rifle. Another works on making construction-paper cutouts for a few moments, then drops his work and pulls his gun. A third man squirms out from under the table and points his weapon. The girls are completely stunned by the raid.)

 

Voice: Powerpuff Girls, you’re under arrest!

(They raise their hands in surrender and are cuffed. We see them in the back of a paddy wagon as the doors slam shut on them. Cut to the exterior of the jail.)

 

Narrator: Powerpuffs imprisoned?!

(Inside, we see Blossom in a cell. Pull back as she speaks to show Buttercup sitting on the top bunk and Bubbles sitting in the back corner.)

 

Blossom: What’s happening? Why did they throw us in the slammer?

Buttercup: Hmm…something’s going on, and I don’t like this one bit.

Bubbles: And the worst thing is— (starting to cry) —we won’t get to save the world anymore.

Buttercup: Oh, why don’t you shut up, you crybaby?

Blossom: Now that’s no way to talk to your sister!

Buttercup: This is all your fault! (Bubbles groans during this line.)

Blossom: Why don’t you shut up?

Buttercup: No, you shut up! (Cut to the cell door; the guard stands outside.)

Guard: Why don’t you all shut up? You’ve got a visitor.

(Bubbles stops crying. Ms. Bellum steps into view, and the girls pop up across from her.)

 

Girls: Ms. Bellum!

Blossom: Boy, are we glad to see you!

Buttercup: And whatever it is, we didn’t do it!

Ms. Bellum: I know, girls. But I’m the only one that believes you. Three evil men have been dressing up like you. They robbed a bank, stole precious jewelry, and harassed the Mayor in his own home!

Blossom: Who could be doing this? Robbing the bank…stealing precious jewelry…harassing the Mayor in his own home? Anything else, Ms. Bellum?

Ms. Bellum: Well, there is something else. He…he called me…he called me…Sweet Cheeks! (Close-up of Blossom, shocked.)

Girls: (Bubbles and Buttercup o.c.) No!

Narrator: Not Sweet Cheeks!

(Blossom has a quick flashback of 253 during the first bank robbery.)

 

253: Hand it over, Sweet Cheeks! (Back to the present.)

Blossom: (snapping her fingers) That’s it! I know who they are! They are the only three villains capable of such insensitive, derogatory, and insulting language. Don’t worry, Ms. Bellum. We’ll take care of everything.

(Buttercup gets ready to release herself on her own recognizance—rent Raising Arizona if that phrase goes over your head.)

 

Buttercup: Come on, girls. Let’s bust outta this joint.

Blossom: Wait! We can’t escape from prison. That would be breaking the law.

Buttercup: (wearily) Not again!

Blossom: Regardless of our duties to save the world, we would be further harming our falsely soiled reputations—

(On the end of this, her sisters take off and break through the prison wall.)

 

Blossom: Hey! (taking off) Wait for me!

Narrator: (laughing) Now that’s more like it! You go, girls!

(Cut to the exterior of a Chinese restaurant—Mr. Chin’s $1 Chinese Food. A sign marked “CLOSED FOR INSPECTION” is pasted across the doors. Inside, the three criminals are hunkered down at a table with take-out containers. 017 and 002 are eating; 253 is getting ready to do likewise.)

 

253: Boy, I’m starving!

(The girls kick the door down.)

 

Girls: Not so fast, Powerpuff Girls!

253: (standing up) Powerpuff Girls?! Bring it on! (He flips the table over.)

(The two groups launch themselves at each other, and the battle begins in earnest, with the girls landing several good blows on the criminals. Cut to Buttercup in midair, her arm raised to deliver a karate chop.)

 

Buttercup: Huy-yah!

(She deals the blow; camera turns down slightly to show the real Bubbles on the receiving end.)

 

Bubbles: (rubbing her head) Ow! Buttercup, it’s me!

Buttercup: Oh! Oops. Sorry.

(On the end of this, pan left slightly, putting Bubbles out of view and showing Blossom. Buttercup lands a chop to her head.)

 

Blossom: (covering her head) Ow! Buttercup, it’s me!

Buttercup: Oops. Sorry.

(253 hits 017 over the head.)

 

017: Ow! Boss, it’s me!

253: Oop. Sorry.

Blossom: Wait a second! This isn’t working, guys. Let’s just fight our counterparts, okay?

Everybody else: Okay. (The two sides line up.)

Blossom: Ready? Okay? Go!

(Round two gets underway. Buttercup chops 002 over the head, while Blossom flies up to 253 and knocks him sprawling with a left hook. Bubbles closes in for an attack; 017 kneels and throws a double handful of knives at her. She stops in midair, looking scared for a moment, then deftly dodges every blade and counterattacks with a punch that knocks him to the floor. Now Buttercup goes on the offensive as 002 grabs a stack of plates and scales them at her. She begins to spin in place; the plates bounce harmlessly off her in all directions. Several of them hit 002, who yells in pain at the hits. All three girls back up and prepare to deliver flying kicks to their opposite numbers, and the blows knock the masks loose. They break when they hit the ground. The girls, dressed as Japanese geisha—a little out of place, given that this is a Chinese restaurant—bow over the defeated criminals.)

(Dissolve to them, now back in their normal outfits, next to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum. A happy crowd watches from the background.)

[Animation goof: Ms. Bellum’s hair stops well short of her head in this sequence.]

 

Mayor: Aw, I knew you were innocent the whole time.

Ms. Bellum: Yeah, right.

Mayor: And thank you once again for saving Townsville. Of course, now you’ll have to go back to jail for breaking out in the first place.

(Everyone has a good laugh at this for some moments before he changes his tone.)

 

Mayor: I’m serious. (The laughter stops rather suddenly.)

(The standard end shot comes up.)

 

Narrator: So once again the day is saved—thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! See you on visiting day, girls.

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