Note: In this transcript, the notation "comic perspective" indicates a change to a series of black-and-white freeze-frame drawings that show the characters in a style somewhere between American action comics and Japanese manga. An asterisk (*) before a line indicates that it is delivered as a voice-over during these sequences. The speakers adopt an appropriately melodramatic tone that generally bears little or no resemblance to their normal manner of speaking. "Normal perspective" marks a switch back to the usual view of the world.
(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.)
Narrator: The city of Townsville! (Cut to a boy in bed; he has one eye open and aimed at a clock-radio.) Where the children can't wait to wake up for school.
(The clock advances to 6:00 and goes off; he is out of bed in an instant. The alarm beeping gives way to a radio DJ's voice.)
DJ: Good morning, Townsville kindergartners! Are you ready for another super day of scholarship?
(In the bathroom, the boy brushes his teeth, standing on a stool so he can reach the sink. He is in his underwear. A lively march starts up.)
DJ: Gimme a K!
Boy 1: K! (Outside a girl's window; she pulls on a dress.)
DJ: Gimme an E!
Girl 1: E! (At a kitchen table: a boy is served pancakes.)
DJ: Gimme an A!
Boy 2: A! (Pan along the table as this continues; two others - triplets - are served.)
Boy 3: N!
Boy 4: E!
DJ: What's that spell?
Boys 2, 3, 4: Keane! (Another mother holds up a bag lunch for her son as he jumps past.)
DJ: What's that spell?
Boy 5: Keane! (Outside on a street; kids lean out their front doors eagerly.)
DJ: I can't hear you!
Girl 3: Keane!
Boy 6: Keane!
Girl 4: Keane!
(Pull back to show both sides of the street; kids line the sidewalks.)
Boy 1: (marching along) K is for Kindhearted,
Girl 1: (leapfrogging him) E is for Evenhanded,
Boy 5: (handstand on bike) A is At Any Expense!
(A school bus rolls up, carrying the triplets.)
Boys 2, 3, 4: N is for Never Late, we never wait for class at eight...
(The bus pulls ahead a bit; another boy hangs onto the rear door.)
Boy 6: E is for Excellence!
(Many more kids fall in and march down the sidewalks.)
Kids: K is for Kindhearted, E is for Evenhanded, (They pass a pet shop.)
A is At Any Expense!
(They go through an intersection; a crossing guard has stopped a truck for them.)
N is for Never Late, we never wait for class at eight,
Trucker: E is for Excellence!
(The throng reaches another intersection, having grown enough to fill the entire street from one side to the other. Banners and posters have been hung up in Ms. Keane's honor, and the kids carry a parade balloon in her likeness.)
Kids: Keane! Keane!
She's so keen, she's the queen!
She's on the scene, she's good and clean,
She's one cool bean, now move that beam,
You know what I mean!
(Cut to the front yard of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten. The usual sign has been replaced by one that shows a picture of a smiling Ms. Keane.)
[Error: The sign reads "Miss" rather than "Ms." as indicated in "Daylight Savings."]
Kids: K is for Kindhearted, E is for Evenhanded,
A is At Any Expense!
(Pan to show the building; a marching band of kids files in. A Keane flag flutters on the pole, and a blimp with her name floats overhead on the last lines.)
N is for Never Late, we never wait for class at eight,
E is for Excellence!
(The door slams. Cut to inside the classroom, the camera pointing from the front end toward a bunch of very eager students at their desks. The girls have a small Keane balloon at theirs. No sound but the ticking of the clock; cut to it after a moment. It reads 8:00 sharp, but the minute hand jumps ahead one notch.)
Blossom: It's 8:01! Ms. Keane's never late for class at eight!
(Cut to the front corner of the room, near the back door. There is a sudden thunderclap, and the lights flicker out; around the edges of the door, light starts to glow from just outside it. A cloud of vapor seeps into the room beneath its bottom edge and collects in front of the blackboard. After several seconds, the door falls inward off its hinges to reveal a tall, horned silhouette standing in the sunlight from outside. It hunches over slightly and advances into the dimness; pan to follow it from the doorway to the front desk, behind which it stops and stands erect again. The vapor moves with it. Finally the figure speaks in a low, sinister growl.)
Figure: I am afraid that I am the bearer of some rather...unfortunate news. Ms. Keane is unable to attend to your instruction, on account of the onset of a very sudden and unexpected...illness.
(It makes quotation marks with its fingers on this last word. Close-up of the face as lightning flashes to illuminate it for the first time: long white hair, greenish complexion not unlike that of the Gangrene Gang, a patch over one eye and a scar underneath it, the other one red and beady, a bit of drool running down the chin from a mouth filled with sharp teeth. Cut to the girls' desk. They gasp at the sight, and their balloon pops loose and flies all over the room before falling, deflated and unnoticed, to the floor at their feet.)
Figure: (from o.c.) I am Mr. Green... (The lights come back on.) ...your substitute teacher.
(Cut back to him. He wears a dark gray, military-style jacket with black pants and gloves, and a red cape hangs from his shoulders. Now he smiles.)
Figure (Mr. Green): All right, class. Now let's get down to busin -
(He trails off into a violent coughing fit, during which he turns his head to one side and we can see small bits and tatters floating up from the end of the cape. A couple of kids stare openmouthed and recoil at the sound of this. In due time he gets himself under control and stands up again, tugging at his collar and grunting a bit. When he continues, his voice is nothing like the growling tone - now it is quite pleasant.)
Mr. Green: Sorry about that, kids. (Another grunt.) Just getting over a little cold myself. All right. Now let's get down to business. (checking' a paper) If you pull out your nutrition assignment from yesterday...
(Long shot of the girls, who have buried their faces in their textbooks, and zoom in. The kids around them continue to stare. Blossom and Buttercup keep their voices down on their next three lines.)
Mr. Green: (from o.c.) ...does anyone know what the four major food groups are? (A boy's hand goes up.) Uh, yes. You there. (Close-up of Buttercup.)
Buttercup: "A very sudden and unexpected illness"? (raising' eyes) Ha! This creature teacher has done something with Ms. Keane. I just know it!
Blossom: I think you're right, Buttercup. But what? What has he done? (He has taken no notice.)
Mr. Green: That's correct. Milk and dairy is a very important food group.
Buttercup: Maybe he ate her!
(Comic perspective: Ms. Keane, with her head back in a scream. We hear the real McCoy articulating it in a voice over. A new picture comes up, showing the comic Keane head-on.)
* Ms. Keane: This substitute creature tricked me! Now I'm one of his four major food groups! (Mr. Green is shown, very menacing.)
* Mr. Green: Yes! I, the evil and despicable Mr. Green, did trick you, Ms. Keane! Now you're going to complete my balanced meal!
(Head-on view of him, mouth open wide.' She floats toward his jaws, screaming all the while - in this shot, she actually does move - and he devours her in one gulp. Normal perspective: Mr. Green at the front of the classroom.)
Mr. Green: Now, does anyone know the last remaining food group?
Buttercup: (shaking her fist) How about teacher, Dr. Lecter?
[Note: A reference to Hannibal Lecter, the cannibalistic genius introduced in the film The Silence of the Lambs.]
(Blossom slaps a hand over Buttercup's mouth, but the latter mumbles something else through it. Blossom smiles nervously; her sisters duck under the desk, and she follows suit. The substitute regards them with brief unease.)
Mr. Green: Right...Okay, uh, well... (holding' his sheet in plain view; it shows a food pyramid) ...the last food group is meats. (Long shot of him.) Now let's move on to our next lesson.
(Pan to the girls' desk. Buttercup's frustrated groan issues from underneath it; cut to the girls, hunched down there. Blossom's bow has done likewise on her head.)
Buttercup: Come on, let's flunk this bad apple and find Ms. Keane.
Blossom: But we can't, Buttercup. (peeking' out; her bow stands up again) Not while he's holding all our classmates hostage. (softly', as Buttercup peeks out) I wonder what he's planning to do next.
(The answer: check the lesson plan.)
Mr. Green: Ahh! Well, children, I have a very special lesson planned for you today.
(On the end of this, he turns his back on the room; cut to a head-on view of him. He has reached into the front of his jacket and is trying to fish something out. Close-up of Bubbles.)
Bubbles: (softly) Oh, no! He's reaching for something!
(Comic perspective: Mr. Green, screams echoing in voice over. Next we see him holding up a long and fearsome knife. Normal perspective: close-up of Buttercup.)
Buttercup: Get him!
(She charges out of her seat, and her sisters follow her lead. Head-on shot of Mr. Green again, his back still to the room and his hand still in his jacket. The girls close in as he slowly pulls something out; extreme close-up of it in his fingers as he lifts it - an ordinary piece of chalk. Pull back; the girls stop just short of him, hang motionless a second, then tumble over his shoulders and hit the floor on their backs. He eyes them quizzically; cut to his perspective of them as they smile sheepishly up from the ground. Back to him.)
Mr. Green: You three? You know, you're beginning to get on my nerves, ladies. Don't try my patience. Back to your seats now.
(They get up and float slowly in that direction, glancing back at him over their shoulders. Bubbles and Buttercup get o.c., but Blossom hangs back and is stopped cold by the next words.)
Mr. Green: Uh, you with the bow. (She stops.) You stay. I have a task for you.
Blossom: (stammering) A...task? For me? (Her bow hangs limp.)
Mr. Green: (checking attendance sheet) Uh, Blossom, is it? Blossom... (leaning' down to her) ...I have a secret I want to tell you.
Blossom: (also shivering) A...secret?
Mr. Green: (smiling, softly) Yes. A secret. (picking' up a covered tray from behind desk) You see, I have these...cookies...that I want you to pass out to the students.
(Now it is all Blossom can do to keep from collapsing into a nervous wreck right in front of him.)
Blossom: Um...but... (He plops the tray in her hands.)
Mr. Green: (normal volume) Come on now. Off you go. One for everyone. Shoo, shoo! (She totters o.c.) You crazy kid. (He laughs.)
(She carries the tray to one desk, acting as if it might be stacked ceiling-high with old, nitroglycerin-sweating dynamite. The next two lines are delivered sotto voce.)
Bubbles: (from o.c., horrified) What the heck is Blossom doing?
(The word "heck" is obscured by the sound effect that accompanies a quick pan to her and Buttercup at their desk during this line. Back to Blossom, who holds out the dish in wildly trembling hands.)
Buttercup: (from o.c.) I think she's giving something to Susie Jenkins.
(The cover is pulled away, revealing what looks to be a pile of ordinary chocolate chip cookies. Dark brown liquid, apparently melted chocolate, oozes out from beneath them; Bubbles and Buttercup gasp in shock o.c.; cut to them, shivering with fear.)
Bubbles, Buttercup: POISON!!
(One shared glance tells these two that they are thinking exactly the same thing. Comic perspective: Susie, a bit puzzled.)
* Susie: Blossom! What are you doing here?
(Another angle: she is standing in the classroom, while Blossom kneels before her and holds up the plate of cookies.)
* Blossom: I...I...I brought you these, Susie. (Back to Susie; she eats one.)
* Susie: Mmm! Cookies!
* Blossom: And they're from mean Mr. Green. He baked them especially for you. (She begins to choke.)
* Susie: Mr. Green...no...
(A tentacle emerges from her mouth. In a quick series of drawings, her body turns into a mass of them as Blossom cowers before her. The latter is heard screaming; from here, cut to Mr. Green, laughing madly, then to Blossom in tears.)
* Blossom: You evil creature! You made me poison my classmate!
* Mr. Green: That's right, Blossom. And I won't stop until all of your classmates are poisoned!
(A different view of him; he laughs again. Normal perspective: extreme close-up of Susie as she lifts a cookie to her mouth.)
Bubbles: (from o.c.) No, Susie, no! (Cut to her and Buttercup.)
Buttercup: Come on, Bubbles. Let's show this creep how the cookie crumbles!
(They charge. With a series of yells, Buttercup angles herself for a flying kick, lands in front of Susie, and knocks the treat out of her hand. It lands at the edge of the desk, and Buttercup zips over there and smashes it to crumbs. Bubbles also yells and dives in, then hits a boy in the back to knock the cookie out of his mouth. She goes from one desk to another, obliterating the snacks Mr. Green provided; pan across the room as she does so and Buttercup joins in. Their classmates are more than a little bemused at this sudden hostility toward the baked goods.)
(Back to Blossom, who now stands before another desk. The boy seated at it is reaching toward the tray, but at the last moment, the redhead comes to her senses and throws the lot down and stomps them. Three more cookies are vanquished in rapid succession, after which several are thrown into the air and blasted with eye lasers. Crumbs rain down around the girls as they cease fire. The furniture is in general disarray from this offensive.)
Buttercup: I think that's all of 'em. (They look toward the camera, faces registering shock.)
Blossom: Oh, no!
(Cut to the source of their concern: one boy who still has a cookie in hand. He tosses it toward his mouth; extreme close-up of it as it flies, then zoom in even closer. It slips through his teeth and he crunches down on it. Pull back as he chews for several tense seconds. After he gets the mouthful down, he smiles.)
Boy 7: Mmm! Chocolate chip!
(Back to the girls.' They stand thunderstruck at this revelation - that the cookies were, in fact, not poisoned, spiked, tainted, or otherwise fooled around with - and the camera pulls back slowly as they turn to face Mr. Green at the front desk. He wears the expression that all substitute teachers adopt when they realize they are fighting a losing battle.)
Mr. Green: (sighing wearily) That's it. No recess for you.
(Wipe to a view of the front lawn from the window. Kids can be heard laughing and playing o.c. outside; dark clouds hang low in the sky, and Mr. Green's hunched silhouette stands at a distance. Pan to the girls, standing in the corner near the front desk, and zoom in. They are facing the wall.)
* Mr. Green: Hey! (Close-up of Bubbles.) Julie Bean! (She turns around.) Do you want me to push you?
(Comic perspective: Julie, held aloft in Mr. Green's enormous hands.)
* Julie: No! Stop pushing me, Mr. Green!
(Nothing but laughter.' He hauls off and lets fly; cut to the playground. Her scream pierces the quiet as a series of drawings shows her hurtling toward the city proper in the distance. Normal perspective: close-up of Buttercup.)
* Mr. Green: Hey! (She turns around.) Elmer Sglue! Why don't you let me spin you?
(Comic perspective: Elmer, his wrist in the teacher's grip. The pose suggests that he is being held up by that arm.)
* Elmer: No, Mr. Green! I don't want to spin!
(He too is laughed at; in a series of shots, Mr. Green twirls him like a top and drops him. The boy yells throughout and corkscrews into the ground when he lands. Normal perspective: close-up of Blossom.)
* Mr. Green: Hey! (She turns around.) Harry Pitt! I hear you like to play in the mud!
(Comic perspective: he is on the playground. Mr. Green's shadow stretches toward him from o.c.)
* Harry: No, Mr. Green! Not the mud!
(A series of drawings shows the teacher creating a colossal tidal wave of mud that breaks over the unfortunate boy.)
* Harry: Powerpuff Girls! Help!
(He is entirely engulfed in the torrent, which also muffles his yells. Normal perspective: just outside the door to the playground. It is closed.)
Blossom: (from inside) That does it! (She throws it open; all three girls are at the threshold.) Let's kick some substitute butt!
(They take off and rapidly climb out of Earth's atmosphere, the camera pulling back to show this. They stop when they are a considerable distance away from the planet.)
Blossom: HEY!! GREEN!!
(Cut to him on the playground. The clouds are gone - perhaps they were only a figment of the girls' imaginations - and a couple of kids are playing catch behind him. H he looks a little bored, but perks up after two beats and looks around himself.)
Mr. Green: Huh? Is someone calling me? (Close-up of Blossom.)
Blossom: THAT'S RIGHT, GREEN!! I'M TALKING TO YOU!! YOU'VE SAT IN ON YOUR LAST CLASS!!
(She tucks in her arms and legs and drops out of sight; her sisters copy this move. Cut to them in free fall.)
Girls: COSMIC CANNONBALL!!
(Back to him.' Everything is still quite peaceful on the playground, and he has yet to find anything out of order.)
Mr. Green: Hello?
(The girls continue their plunge, each one leaving a light trail behind herself and also glowing white due to friction from re-entry into the atmosphere. They move toward each other and merge, in a brilliant flash, to form a large, black, flaming sphere - the aforementioned cannonball - that keeps falling. Long shot of the intended target as the projectile streaks down toward him. The kids who were playing catch run into view in the foreground and notice what is going on, after which we see Mr. Green in close-up. Now he starts to look worried upon hearing the next line.)
Kids: (from o.c.) Powerpuff Girls, no! Mr. Green is nice!
(The cannonball descends partially into view and screeches to a halt just over his head; he has to bend his horns down in order to avoid contact. Pull back to show the rest of the kids watching anxiously from a short distance. Hanging in midair, the ball cools down and disintegrates, leaving the girls to flop down on their backs around Mr. Green.)
Girls: Nice?! (Bubbles sits up.)
Bubbles: But...Julie Bean! I heard you screaming. Didn't Mr. Green vault you into space?
(Cut to the swing set. Julie sits in a swing, while another child stands nearby.)
Julie: Vault me into space? He was nice enough to push me on the swing.
(Blossom and Buttercup have now sat up as well.)
Buttercup: And didn't he spin Elmer into the earth?
Blossom: And drown Harry in a sea of mud?
(Across the playground, Elmer is happily riding the merry-go-round, while Harry is amusing himself in the sandbox.)
Elmer: He was nice enough to spin me around.
Harry: And let me play in the mud!
Blossom: But he's a monster.
Buttercup: He's icky.
Bubbles: And green!
(Said monster gathers several kids into a hug and chuckles.)
Mr. Green: I get it. (He kneels down to the girls, having let the kids go.) Listen, girls. Just because I have big horns and like to wear long flowing capes doesn't make me a bad guy.
(He indicates these two features of himself as he mentions them.)
Mr. Green: Yes, I am a monster, but I love children. (Cut to the chastened girls; he continues o.c.) And I want to help them learn and grow.
(They hang their heads. Close-up of Buttercup and pan to each of her sisters in turn.)
Buttercup: We're sorry, Mr. Green.
Blossom: I guess we shouldn't judge someone by what they look like.
Bubbles: Even if they're as ugly as you. (Pull back to frame all four; the girls smile.)
Mr. Green: That's right! (Cut to the girls; he continues o.c.) Besides, you girls aren't what you appear to be. (Pull back; he hugs them.) For three sweet little girls, you really can pack a punch.
(Zoom in slowly on his beaming face.)
Narrator: Aw, Mr. Green, you're the best substitute creature ever.
(This catches him off guard. Comic perspective: he is in full fury. A growl rumbles forth.)
* Mr. Green: Don't you mean "teacher"?!? (Normal perspective: he smiles calmly.)
Narrator: (hastily) Er, right. Sorry. Teacher. Substitute teacher. Heh.
(The background for the end shot comes up.)
Narrator: So once again the day is saved...
(The girls appear in their usual positions, but Blossom stands straight up, while Bubbles and Buttercup bow at the waist with their faces turned to the camera.)
Narrator: ...thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!